The light at the end of the tunnel

The girls will be 8 weeks old on Friday. The last 8 weeks have been so much of a blur. I can hardly believe that I even made it this far. The first 5 weeks were not so bad. The girls were super easy newborns and all they did was sleep. Then something happened right in around 5.5 weeks old, they decided to wake up and stop napping, hit two growth spurts, and just get a little more fussy than before. All I feel like I do is breastfeed, burp, change diapers, swaddle, and wipe spit up off myself and the girls. Cooper has seen so much of this process that he has even started to pat me on the back to “help burp” me, haha. I long for the days when we will be out of diapers, not covered in spit up,  and marathon nursing every 2-3 hours during the day. I would like to reclaim a little free time to just eat lunch. Today I put my left over dinner in the microwave to eat, but then everything possible went wrong and I never ate my lunch. My reheated lunch just sat in the microwave until dinner time when I found it sitting there untouched, ooppss.

So that is my life with two month old twins and a 20 month old toddler. I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that things will improve over time, but right now I feel like I am muddling my way through in the dark and just hoping that I stumble across the light switch one of these days. You know I cried when I found out I was having twins, not tears or joy, but tears of fear and sorrow. I knew how hard it is to take care of a newborn, but to take care of two newborns, I knew it would be hard. AND IT IS HARD! I think one of the hardest things is getting them down for their naps and also trying to make sure that Cooper is safe and not getting himself into trouble while I am soothing the girls and laying them down for a nap. Poor Cooper has spent many a start to a nap in his playpen so that I know he cannot harm himself.

I have been shedding a few tears the past two days feeling just overwhelmed with life. You know, Chris and I have been married for 3 year on June 2nd. Last night I looked up at Chris and just laughed at our life. Never in my wildest dream would have ever imagined being married for only 3 years with 3 children. You can never predict the future and what God has in store for you. I just pray that God gives me the strength to muddle through the next few months.
P.S. Chris says we are averaging one kid per year. So how many kids will we have in 10 years? Any bets?

7 Comments on “The light at the end of the tunnel”

  1. Jayme says:

    Susanne you are an amazing mother with an amazing amount of strength. I am so proud of you!! I hope that you get a little glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel each day!! Love you and give those little ones (all 3 of them) a kiss from the Aunt Jayme!!

  2. Janel says:

    Oh Susaaanne!! I wish we were there to help out. Read the other post about spitup…we feel your pain, half of it at least. Annelise has started throwing up at least once almost every day for the past several weeks now. I can’t imagine that times two! God must have alot of confidence in your mothering abilities to entrust you with this stewardship. And He WILL equip you for what He’s called you to, moment by moment. I’m sure you are doing a fabulous job!!!! Hang in there, sister. (Pst, Chris, I think yur beautiful wife needs a nanny…)

  3. Aunt Val says:

    You are doing great!! However, the mom in me wishes you could carbe out 10 minutes to get some nourishment. Have you had any help besides that first week when Chris was with you? I so wish I was close to help you! You may want to talk to Christin Ringger Johnson, remember her? She got married in Oct 2005, had Nicholas in March 2007, had her twins, Carley and Nathan in Sept. 2008. Seems the two of you have had parallel lives. Remember when you have those times that you are feeling overwhelmed, there are many people who love you and are proud of you. ILY! xoxo to all 5 of you!!

  4. Ann says:

    What a poignant post. Someday you’ll look back on this time and admire your strength, love and capacity for going long periods without food or sleep! It gets WAY easier soon – leave the girls on the floor to play so that they reach those physical milestones sooner. Before you know it, all three will be playing together. Hang in there.

  5. Angie says:

    Dear Susanne, how I wish you were closer so we could lend a hand. I wanted to see you so much after reading this, and since there is no way to do that from this distance, I mailed you a letter.

    You have good reason to feel overwhelmed! You know things are not easy when it is such a challenge just to get a bite to eat. I can only imagine how tired you must feel, caring for a young toddler, using your body to nourish two growing babies, and yet hardly able to eat, sleep, or take care of yourself.

    My mom was never in your shoes, with three children under two; however, she did have five children in five years. She has told me that one of the hardest seasons in her life was those early years when all her kids were so little. She said the same thing you did, that she felt all she was doing was changing diapers, nursing, etc. She waited until we were all in bed at night, and my dad was with us, to leave the house just to do grocery shopping. Those must have been long, long days.

    I also just read on one of my favorite blogs,, an experienced mother’s advice to younger mothers (at their request). She said (about the season of life with babies and toddlers) that is the hardest parenting you will do, and encouraged young mothers to keep things simple and, when possible, try to find little outlets for creativity during this time.

    Even when you feel isolated at home with your little ones, and like life is passing you by while you do nothing but nurse and change diapers, just know you have many friends who really do love and think about you, and we are just a phone call away (I wish more available than that)! Keep on keeping on, friend!

    Much love, Angie

  6. Angie says:

    P.S. I meant to comment on YOUR P.S. – I love that you and Chris maintain your sense of humor during what is a tough time right now! “Averaging one kid per year!” LOL Love it! Honestly, I can easily picture you with a large family. You and Chris make such a great team. As you know, I grew up in a large family and LOVED it, and always pictured myself having a lot of kids. Terry and I haven’t set a number per se, we just have the mindset of taking it “one at a time;” however, I think the important thing is to love and view children as a gift from the Lord, and prayerfully seek His will regarding the number to have. One thing is for sure, we’re blessed with the children we do have, and we don’t have to worry about old age being unhappy and lonely! 🙂

  7. Jess B. says:

    Love you Susanne!!! I love your honesty and you are such a great mother! I know it’s crazy to think about how fast things have happened.. School is ending… I’ll come down to Texas help you out! Just tell me when!